Celebrating Women for the Real World

Hypothetical Question

Let’s say you have a sister and a half brother.  Let’s say that you see your sister about twice a year and talk/email frequently.  Let’s say that you’ve seen your half brother twice in the last 20 years.  Let’s say your sister and half bro don’t get along…..AT ALL!  In fact hate may be a word to describe their feelings towards each other.  Let’s say that you (me) weren’t involved in the major downfall as to why they hate each other.  Now, let’s say one of us (me) has always felt a little guilty about not involving half bro in her life and the life of her children.  Why?  Let’s say she (me) avoids conflict at all cost.  That’s her (my) coping mechanism.  Her (my) half bro has some character flaws that itch my spine, but its nothing that can’t be tolerated for brief periods.

OK, I’m confusing myself. 

Long and short, the peeps don’t get along, yo, and I’m in the middle and shit. 

My daughter is getting married….most likely on Valentine’s Day.  Valentine’s Day was the day that my mom and dad were married.  My half bro is my mom’s child.  She brought him into the marriage.  Anyway, Valentine’s Day was always a very special day because of that.  Their marriage made my mother so happy, she was buried in her wedding gown.  Creepy, right?  I know!  But hey, at least we all agreed as to what to bury her in, cause we sho didn’t agree on nothin else!  Word!

I want my sister to come to the wedding.  I would like to invite my brother, but, I know my sister won’t come if he does.  I feel kind of awkward inviting my brother because we haven’t been very close, but, heck, we aren’t getting any younger, and really, he is family.  Like I said, I wasn’t the one who had the fall out.  I was indirectly involved.  What he did to my sister pissed me off, but she did some things to him that weren’t too nice either.  But now that my BABY is getting married (did I just say that out loud?), I would like by-gones to be by-gones.

What would YOU do if YOU were me, her, it?


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  1. * Kat says:

    Ah, family that doesn’t get along, sounds like my mom’s side of the family.

    Basically, it’s your daughters wedding and she can invite whomever she wants to invite. If your sister can’t suck it up for one day and let bygones be bygones and put aside her own crap to make sure your daughter has a wonderful, memorable day, then perhaps she shouldn’t come.

    Also, just because you invite him, does not mean he will actually show up. However, it would be a lovely gesture and a step in the right direction of healing the rift. Just keep in mind that in the end, it’s about the Bride and the Groom and this is their day, so if you want to invite him, do so and tell your sister to act like the adult and aunt she is supposed to be.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago
  2. * Kami says:

    Invite them both. It’s not about them, it’s about Jess. Leave it up to them if they can put their big girl panties on and deal.


    | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago
  3. * kate says:

    I agree invite them both, let them figure it out on their own.

    If your sister doesn’t want to come because your brother will be there well that is her choice. You have no reason not to invite them both. Life is too short.

    Congrats to Jess!

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago
  4. * anita says:

    one question…why are YOU inviting anyone to your daughter’s wedding? its HER wedding, HER guest list…let her decide…if she wants to invite them both then i agree with Kate. its their conflict not yours and if you sister would shun her niece’s wedding to avoid her half brother your daughter doesn’t need her there.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago
  5. * celebratingwomen says:

    Anita – I kind of thought the mother of the bride who’s paying for the wedding has some say so as to who to invite. But, I could be wrong. I paid and planned both of my weddings as my parents had alread passed. I really don’t know the rules. But you pose a good point.

    I love blogging. This whole topic was stressing me out. I wrote this post and felt much better. You guys always help me put things into perspective.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago
  6. * Tammy says:

    Well, first – as the mother of the bride and one paying for the even can and should invite whomever you and your daughter like.

    My suggestion is that you invite them both. Tell them both that they can simply avoid each other at the wedding, and ask that they not cause a scene, thus taking away from your daughter’s day.

    Let them figure it out. If your sister is so selfish to not come, then that’s her problem. Not yours.


    | Reply Posted 8 years, 3 months ago

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