Celebrating Women for the Real World

More Sleep Please

I was asleep.  Sound asleep.  I fell asleep early (11:00)  My cell phone was ringing.  When I first heard the phone I thought, “wait, all my kids are here.”  Then I thought “I better answer the phone because it could be about another family member.”  Then I thought, “Where the F*ck is my phone?  Shit, in my purse.”  Finally I answered.  It was my daughter……who was upstairs!

Before we went to bed, daughter was throwing up.  I knew that.  As I answered I looked at the clock.  1:35 a.m.?  Wait, I set my clock 30 minutes ahead.  Now I have to do math!  Shit.

Here is the conversation that ensued:

“Mom, it’s coming out like water…….from my ASS!”

“Oh, I’m sorry.  Do you want to try some medicine?”

“No!  But that’s not right!  Water is not supposed to come from your ass!  Our asses are not made for that!  Do you know how hard it is to squeeze your butt cheeks and run to the bathroom?”

“Yes.  Do you need me?”

“No.  I just wanted you to know what was coming out of my ass!”

Disclaimer – yes, she cusses.  She is 18.  She can fight and die for our country.  She rarely cusses unless there are extreme circumstances.  You know, like water coming out of her ass!

After that conversation I laid in bed and tossed, and turned, and listened to the clock tick, tried counting backwards (husband did not cooperate.  As I was counting to the beat of his snoring he would change the rhythm), I considered taking out my book and flashlight, then decided that I would be awake forever!  Nothing worked.  I tried once more.  Finally I fell asleep….at 2:30.  My alarm goes off at 4:30!  Gah!


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  1. * Kat says:

    A situation like that is where the ‘duck walk’ comes in very handy.

    She’s going to kill you for posting this you know. 🙂

    Hope she feels better soon and that you get caught up on your sleep!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 2 months ago
  2. * Tammy says:



    | Reply Posted 9 years, 2 months ago
  3. * celebratingwomen says:

    Bwahahahahahaha ‘duck walk’. We were just talking about that this past weekend.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 2 months ago

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