Celebrating Women for the Real World



This Post Is Not About Politics

What will this post be about?  I don’t know.  I’m in a weird mood today.  I’m in a mood to get things done.  I’m in the mood to not deal with “same-ness”.  My patience is very short.  In other words, stupid people need not stop by my office and visit. 

I’m not sure why I’m in this mood.  The only thing that I can think of that would cause this mood is the planned trip to PA next week.  I grew up in Pennsylvania.  I have a half brother in Pennsylvania.  I have acquaintances in Pennsylvania.  However we are going up there for the wedding of one of my husband’s good friends, not to visit my old stomping grounds.  I’m not going to be near the city where I grew up.  I’m not going to be there long enough to even consider driving to the city where I grew up.  If we were, I’d just to drive through and possibly visit my mother’s grave.  I have no desire to visit with people.

I don’t know why I feel this way.  I didn’t have a horrible child hood.  A strange one?  Absolutely.  But now that I’m forty, my outlook of a dis-functional family would be one that appears to be, well, functional! 

I do have some bad feelings about some happenings between my brother and sister after my mom died.  I also have some bad memories.  My sister had some challenges.  Since I was the baby, I probably saw more than I should have.  My natural instinct is to run when situations get uncomfortable.  Case in point – when I was 18 I ran…..all the way to Houston.  I’m still here!  I used to have night mares where-in I was somehow back living in PA!  Now that’s some scary shit!

More than anything, I think my problem is with the majority of the people that still live in the small town where I grew up.  They just seem to be stuck in a time warp.  There doesn’t seem to be that desire to change.  They would rather just accept and complain about what they have and how they live.  Please note – that’s my OPINION.  I’m sure there are really great people that live there.  I’m sure that many of them are quite happy with how they live and their quality of life.  Maybe my problem with going back is the fear of my reality.  That deep down I’m really just like my perception of the people that live there.  Maybe if I go back, everything that I’ve run from and tried to ignore will still be there waiting.  Waiting to bite me in the ass, slap me in the face and say “Ha, you thought you could avoid this reality of which you were a part of, but no, this is really who you are and where you came from. ”

So there-in lies my Thursday post.  Aren’t you glad I let you into my brain for just a second?  Really, a second is enough.  If you were in there any longer you’d be running and screaming to get out!

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Comments

  1. * SuZan says:

    I think that going back home when you have been away for a long time brings up all kinds of emotions. Just remember that you are not the same person now that you were then.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 7 months ago
  2. * Kate says:

    I agree with SuZan. When you go back to where you grew up it is only normal to remember the bad, even if it is not all that bad it was still something that bothered you.

    Well if you are ever in PA and you are near me feel free to stop by. I would love to see you.

    Have a nice trip back with your husband and enjoy the wedding. See people you want to see and don’t see people you don’t.

    Have a good weekend!

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 6 months ago
  3. * Kami says:

    I sometimes think the same thing about the people who never “left home.” How did they do that? But they don’t know any different, right?

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 6 months ago
  4. * Jill says:

    I can truly relate to “the fear of my reality That deep down I’m really just like my perception of the people that live there. Maybe if I go back, everything that I’ve run from and tried to ignore will still be there waiting.”

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 6 months ago


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