Celebrating Women for the Real World

An Open Letter and A Strange Conversation

Good morning.  Happy “Halfway through the workweek” day.  What a week thus far.  Busy, busy, busy.  I had to hire someone, fire someone, deal will drama at home, deal with drama at work!  Jeez.  Can’t a girl get a break?  Or at least a raise?


On to the open letter………………………………

Dear asshat in the red car:

Please listen to me.  There was an accident on the Beltway.  The constable was directing traffic from my lane into yours.  Me being the patient person that I am (shad up) kept a car length behind.  Everyone was playing nice BUT YOU.  Each car in your lane was letting a car from my lane in.  Not you.  No sirree.  You sped up so that the car in my lane couldn’t get over.  Nice!

Now, I’m not usually an eye, for an eye kind of person, but my evil twin took over.  It was only natural that when I, in the exit only lane saw that you needed over and tried to get over in front of me, I had to speed up so you couldn’t get in. 

Can I give you some advice?  Instead of flashing your middle finger at me and rolling down your window to yell obscenities at me, could you maybe keep your eyes on the road?  The car in front of you may just slam on it’s breaks.  You should really pay attention next time.  How’s your bumper feel?  Oh, that’s right.  It’s laying in the middle of the Beltway.  Sorry!




Now for the interesting conversation.  I was stuck in traffic behind a hearse while talking to SuZan.  We started talking about whether we wanted to be buried or cremated.  I was a little skeptical, but SuZan talked me into being cremated.  I told her that would be fine, but it’s her job if I die first to make sure I have on make-up and cute panties before going into the incinerator.  She said she would.  Then I want my ashes spread over some exotic island that I won’t ever get to visit while living.

Why cremation over burial?  Well, I’m a little cheap and I think it’s strange that people pay a huge amount of money for a box to hold a dead body that will be thrown into the ground with the bugs and worms.  That’s the other thing.  I don’t do bugs or worms.  That’s gross.  And disease? I mean, my body would be rotting.  Gross. 

I also decided that I don’t want a funeral.  When I die, I want a big ass party in my honor and I want all of you bitches (and guys that read) to say really nice things about me.  I want there to be laughter and, of course, adult beverages.  Deal?

In fact, I went one step further and decided that, should I ever be diagnosed with a terminal illness, I’m going to throw a big ass party, announce my illness, then have everyone say the nice things directly to me while I’m still alive rather than after I kick the bucket.  Oh, and I want to partake in the food that they would have brought to my family after I die.  Shit, you make food because I’m dead?  Hell no!  I want to partake.

BTW-SuZan agreed with me on all counts.  Of course, she may have been appeasing me to get me to stop talking about such morbid things!

Does anyone else ever think about stuff like this?  No?  Just me?  Well, you’ll never be able to say I don’t plan ahead!

Have a great day! 


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  1. * Kat says:

    you are cracking me up!!!!

    Sounds like asshat driver got what he deserved! Love karma!

    I like that you want cute panties, but no bra… want to make sure the boobablage gets a final proper ogling? 😛 I too go the cremation way cuz what is the point of taking up all that space to be dead? I also agree about the big ass party, but I am really liking the idea of the before being dead party! 🙂 Brilliant!

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  2. * Tammy says:

    The asshat hit the car in front of him!??! JUSTICE!! I love when that happens!!

    Kat – she wants no bra because she will be wearing chocolate pasties.

    We will get started on that party this weekend, mmmmkay? But you can’t die for at least another 50 years. Then our old asses will be partying it up, sister.

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  3. * meritt says:

    The car thing? GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!

    The funeral thing? YEP I’ve not only thought about it but talked about it. I suppose you’ll really think I’m weird when I say I want a cardboard casket – set up at home for a visiting time here… and then want to be transported to a ‘green’ cemetery where they can plant a bush over me instead of a headstone. 🙂

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago

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