Celebrating Women for the Real World

Over Parenting – It’s A Hard Habit To Break

Good morning boys & girls!  Happy Wednesday.  Sorry for the late post.  We are starting a remodel project at the office.  Many things to coordinate and asses to kick people to organize.

I know, that has nothing to do with the title.  I sometimes feel like I must justify everything I do (including taking a shit). 

To get back on topic, let me use an analogy.  I like analogies. 

Before a butterfly becomes a beautiful part of nature, they are in a cocoon.  If someone were to help that butterfly break out of the cocoon, that butterfly would not be strong enough to fly.  It would basically die.  The whole purpose of emerging from the cocoon is to strengthen it’s wings so it can fly and be a beautiful addition to the universe. (Stick with me, I will tie this together.)

The trials and tribulations that our kids go through while growing up is very much like the butterfly breaking out of the cocoon.  We hate to see our kids go through trials, or to be hurt-physically or emotionally.  But, if we give them all the answers or continually move the hurdles out of their way, we aren’t helping them.

I’m not saying that we are never to guide them, give them advice, steer them in the right direction, or pick them up when they fell and tell them what they did wrong; but, if we don’t let them try and do or figure out things on their own, or even fall down and scrape their knee, they won’t be strong enough to be a beautiful adult and contributing member to our society.

No, I really don’t sit here and think up shit like this to write about.  EVERYTHING on this blog is USUALLY related to something that’s happened to one of us.  Yesterday I received a call from college kid.  It went something like this:

CK: “Mom, my back hurts so bad I can’t bend over and the pain is radiating down my leg.”

Me:  “Did you take ibuprofen?”

CK:  “Yes, it doesn’t work.  Call my doctor, he won’t listen to me.”

Me:  “OK, I’ll call”

Fast forward – I call doctor.  His nurse says doctor needs to talk to CK.  CK is an adult.  I tell her I want to talk to doctor.  She says she’ll tell him to call me if he has any questions after talking to CK.  I call CK and relay this information.

CK:  “The doctor just called.  He told me I needed to come see him or go to an ER up here at school.  Find the ER for me please.”

Me:  “OK”

Fast forward – I call, research on the net, call, check with boss who went to school up there, etc., etc.  Call CK back.  All of my suggestions were “stupid” and I “just don’t know where anything is up there.”  Oh, and let me add, when I called him back he was with his friends and they were playing video games and eating Jack In The Box.  (Not too much pain)

Suddenly I here a voice (strangely enough, the voice sounds JUST like SuZan).  The voice said, “Sheri, he is an adult.  He is not bleeding.  He’s not unconscious.  He can call just like you can.  What would you have done when you were his age and on your own in Texas while the rest of your family was in PA?”

The answer – I figured things out for myself!  It wasn’t always easy, but I did it.  The best part – it made me who I am now.  I am a strong woman.  Although I may not always feel like I contribute much to this society, in reality I do.  And, I’ve managed to raise 3 kids in the process.  They aren’t perfect. I’m not perfect.  But I can manage in this game they call life.  For the most part, my kids can as well. 

(Do you see how the whole analogy fits in?)

I didn’t like that my son was hurting.  But I’ve hurt at times as well.  You do what you have to do.  He needed to figure out how to cope in this situation because, unfortunately, I’m not immortal and won’t be around forever.  Yes, it was hard to give him suggestions then let him figure things out on his own.  But it would be even harder to have a son not able to manage in life because I clipped his wings.

There you have it – raising a college kid 101!  Let them fly and remember – sometimes they need to figure things out on their own!


Trackbacks & Pingbacks


  1. * Moi says:

    Such good advice … I need to make Mr. Man read this. He wants to do everything for his babies, whereas I want them to eventually move out of the house and live as independent women.

    Also, First Bitches!!!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago
  2. * SuZan says:

    OK that scares me, your inner voice sound like me???

    LMAO…did it also tell you that you need a shopping day and margaritas???


    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago
  3. * Jill says:

    I had to laugh about the jack in the box call. The college mom’s group that I am in warned us about the times our kids would call with that emergency and we go scurrying off to solve the problem and then they go out to eat with their friends. Their advice – like yours, take a deep breath and call your fellow mom’s who will sound like SuZan…..:):)

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago
  4. * Cheeky says:

    Its hard but its something you have to do. But then sometimes you do it and the school calls and scolds you for it – case in point –

    Yesterday man child decided it wasn’t that cold after all (in the 20’s) and just wore a sweatshirt to school. I knew he would be cold. But he didn’t want to listen. I figured, he is 9 he can learn this lesson and let him go. The school calls me and reads me the riot act and acts like I am the worlds worst parent. Have I mentioned how much I HATE this school always being in my business?

    One day of cold is not going to kill ya – it might just teach you something though….

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago
  5. * Kat says:

    I love how it goes from being so serious to need an ER visit, to being fine enough to eat and play games. 😛

    Good for you for backing off and taking a breath. Yes, he does need to learn on his own, and yes he will be a better man for it.

    You know, sometimes? My inner voice sounds like Suzan too… we should get WWSS (What Would Suzan Say?) shirts made up… 🙂

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago
  6. * Kate says:

    I love that your inner voice sounds like Suzan. Sometimes mine does as well. SuZan would be so proud.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 1 month ago

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