Celebrating Women for the Real World

The Rest Of TheStory

You guys are mighty creative.  So creative in fact, the real story now seems dull.  A lot of what happened were “you had to be there” moments.  Try to picture humor.

I think I reported in my post on Friday that I made it out to the strip and wondered around.  Oh, My, Bob!  The Fug!  So much Fug!  People, yes, Vegas is fun.  Yes, there is a lot of walking, good food that’s bad for you, and you want to be comfortable, but please, for the love of Bob, could you at least match?  And, if the pants are tight before you leave your house, chances are they’ll be even tighter after a day or two in Vegas, so please, spare us the muffin top!

Friday night we went to see Carrot Top.  He is so very funny.  We ate at an Asian restaurant that served Kobe steak.  I got the chicken as the steak was $42.  I should have gotten the steak.  Hubs ordered the steak and let me tell you, it was like pure sex on a fork.  So good.  We proceeded to the Casino.  The waitress walked by and asked if we wanted cocktails.  Of course I had to order Corona Light as that Black Belt wearing Tammy proclaims that you don’t get headaches when you drink Corona Light.  She lies people.  She lies!  Oh, maybe it was the “too many” Corona Lights that did me in.  Needless to say, the next night when asked if I wanted cocktails my reply was “Double Crown and Diet Coke”.  Mmmmmm.  No headaches!  Hubs gave in and headed to the room about midnight.  Me?  2:30 a.m.  He had all the lights off.  I felt like a teenager sneaking in.  I didn’t want to turn on the light and let him know just how many Corona Lights I’d had.  Hence, I wondered around in the dark.  I didn’t brush my teeth because, well, I couldn’t find them.

I found my pillow and fell into dream land.  Suddenly I hear this crazy voice saying “Hey, Yo phone’s rangin”!  Very loud.  I open an eye.  The clock says 8:00!  WTF!  Then my heart beats fast because it occurs to me that it is 10:00 in Houston, where my kids are.  They drive people.  I couldn’t see the caller ID so I answer.  There’s this voice saying “Good Morning Sunshine“.  I couldn’t figure out who it was, where I was, and really, it’s morning?  Then I realized it was SuZan.  About that time I told her that something had died in my mouth and relayed the Corona Story.  She laughed.  No mercy.  I cut the convo short cause I had to brush my teeth.  I told her that I think they grew fur during the night.  She laughed again.  Gah!

Saturday in my hung-over state we stayed close to the room and away from sunlight.  We gambled.  The machine’s were sucking us dry.  In order to not get mad at one another, my husband and I have or own gambling allowance.  We only take money that we’re willing to lose.  No more.  We don’t hit ATM’s.  If we lose what we take, we’re done.  So we have a code.  “Coffee Time“.  When either of us said that it was understood that gloating was not allowed.  There are Starbucks everywhere.  Woo Hoo.  Hubs went for “coffee time” and I stuck another $20 into a machine.  Bam!  I hit $400.  See, he just needed to leave.  Later that day we separated again (I think I went to the room to sleep).  He sent me a text, he won $1800.  I came down.  He said as soon as I entered the Casino he could tell.  The machine got cold.  Each and every time one of us would be winning and the other showed up – we lost!  So if I came around the corner and he yelled “Do NOT sit next to me“; I knew that meant he was winning.

That night we went to see Mama Mia.  So funny.  Hubs went to humor me.  All the Abba music you could possibly handle.  Dancing Queen was my favorite!  I don’t want to give the show away, but there is a scene where there is a Diary reading.  Whenever the person had, um, relations, and wrote about it, they said “Dot, Dot, Dot“.  That night I gave my husband “the look” and said “Dot, Dot, Dot”.  That’s now our code!  After the show we ate at the Burger Bar.  They server Kobe hamburgers.  We are talking $16 hamburgers.  Worth every penny.  I texted my bitches and said something like “I just ate a Kobe burger.  I think I had an Orgasm!”  Kate told me I’m her hero!

Back to the Casino where we separated for good measure.  Suddenly a very drunk man comes and sits by me.  He was very touchy, feely.  He kept telling me I had nice cleavage.  If only he knew about Kami’s Titty Tuesday!  I decided to get up and move.  He grabbed my arm, told me I had beautiful eyes and that he didn’t bite…unless I wanted him to.  I told him I had to find my husband.  He told me I didn’t.  At least drunk guys think I’m hot!

When I felt far enough away from drunk man, I found a machine near the half naked go-go dancers.  Yes, on the black jack table.  Nice.  There was a nice couple next to me.  The machine they were playing started going nuts.  Lights flashing, bells ringing.  I couldn’t place their accent, but I could tell they were clueless as to what was happening!  They won $3100.  I was trying to tell them what to do.  I found out they were from Norway.  Very sweet couple.  I sat with them until the attendants came and tried to explain to them what was happening.  We talked a lot.  He wanted to give me $100 for helping them.  I couldn’t do that.  Yes, call me stupid! 

On our last day we went to the breakfast buffet.  The guys in front of us were paying and trying to get the cashier to take their picture.  The one guy pulled me over and said “you get in the picture too”.  When it was necessary for me to hold him up, I realized he was drunk.  Then he told me he was drunk.  I was like “really?”  He told me my picture was going on the internet.  If he only knew!  He wanted me to come sit with them.  At that point he looked up.  Hubs must have given him the wonk eye because he was like “Oh, maybe not”.  I told him that I was old enough to be his mother and that he needed to go sit down and eat.  He told me that he was OK cause he was Canadian.  They drink a lot there!  Again, I’m hot to drunk guys!  Nice!

The last memorable thing was so funny in a cute way.  On Sunday afternoon I sat at a machine.  There was an older women dressed in her church clothes.  She was acting funny.  I saw her sneaking money out of an envelope obviously hidden in her purse.  She put some money in a machine and won a few dollars.  She raised her hands and said “Thank you baby Jesus.”  Then her family came and asked her if she was feeling better.  I looked at her like ??.  She told them yes, she was.  Sitting down was what she needed.  They asked her if she was gambling.  She told them no, but God must have wanted her to sit at that machine cause someone left a dollar in it.  She must have accidentally hit the button and look – she won!  So.Very.Funny!


Trackbacks & Pingbacks


  1. * Kami says:

    OMG. Love the little church lady story!!!!!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 5 months ago
  2. * kate says:

    u r totally my hero!

    love the little church lady.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 5 months ago
  3. * Carrie says:

    The church lady story is hysterical!!!!!! I would have been laughing my ass off! 🙂

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 5 months ago
  4. * Kelly says:

    I still like the idea of you having steak dinner with Kobe Bryant! LOL

    Makes me want to go! Loved the real story – now it all makes sense!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 5 months ago
  5. * SuZan says:

    How did you keep a straight face with the church lady???

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 5 months ago
  6. * Sheri says:

    SuZan-Easy – Baby Jesus was watching……..Bwahahahahaha!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 5 months ago
  7. * traci says:

    I would have been giggling too much next to the church lady! Too funny!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 5 months ago

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