Celebrating Women for the Real World



The innocence Childhood. Where did it go?

Unfortunately, we aren’t participating in SPF. Sorry guys, just too much going on these days! But because we have some regular blogging bitches that visit us (we just lurve our bitches), we didn’t want anyone to go away feeling used and unwanted. So I thought I’d share a really obscure thought/pondering that has been swimming in my head.

Before I start, I wanted to post a disclaimer that this is just a thought and I am no way advocating one way to raise children vs. another. Also, please respect the rules of the sandbox. This is my blog and my thought. If you don’t agree with me-fine. Please be respectful when leaving comments. If there is any mud slinging or sand throwing, you will be deleted!

Now that I’ve set you up to think this may be something really controversial, it’s not. But this is about children. Child rearing is a very sensitive topic to any mother. We all try our best and do what we think is right or at least works at the time.

So here is my thought. So many kids today are considered to be hyper-active, or labeled as having Attention Deficit Disorder. Why is that? Is it because of our diets? Our lifestyle? The percentage of kids on meds for things such as this is rising steadily. This is a concern to me. I don’t know why this concerns me, but it does. Is it possible that we are over stimulating our children?

Stop right there! I’m not saying you are right or wrong for anything that you do. It is a thought! That’s it.

When I say “overstimulating” I refer to some things I’ve read in parenting mags and conversations of young mothers. There was a pregnant woman in the docs office stressed because she couldn’t find the “Einstein Video” for children 6 mos. of age! Maybe because I’m past that stage of child rearing and I realize how fast time goes. I mean, do you know how sweet hugs, kisses and giggles are from a 6 mos. old? I didn’t appreciate it as much then as I do now. If I had to stress about my kids “learning” whatever this video was teaching, I most likely would not have slowed down to appreciate my baby being a baby.

A mother of a kindergartner was stressed and overwhelmed at the work that was being sent home with her kindergartner. Our kinder students are now learning what was being taught at the end of 1st grade a few years ago. I’m not saying this is wrong because I know that the more we teach our kids, the more they will learn. But are we crossing boundaries? Do you know how much can be learned by a child sitting on the grass with mom, dad, or big brother/sister on a warm day with a gentle breeze? Most likely what is learned that day will be remembered forever! Yes, our kids may be able to read easy reader books at the age of four. But are we stressing them out in the process? Could this be a link to the behavior problems in our schools? Is it wrong that, when a child doesn’t understand what is being taught by the teacher, the teacher’s response is “I don’t have time to help you because I have to move on.” In the past, when a child was diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, it was thought that the meds were an excuse for the parent not disciplining their child correctly or were lazy and didn’t want to take the time to train the child to behave appropriately. That my be the case in certain instances, but what about the other children? Could our efforts to create the smartest, most productive, well adjusted children be the cause?

Again-stop! I’m not saying any of you are wrong for anything that you are doing. I’m really wondering if there is a link.

Another reason that I’ve been pondering this is a comparison to the kids that I’m around in Texas. I worked and volunteered in the school and love, love, loved what I did. It was the best thing I’ve ever done as a career. Unfortunately-it doesn’t pay squat. I’ve been around A LOT of kids. My step-daughters live in South Dakota. When they would come to visit, they were amazed that-every bedroom had a TV; each kid had a computer; we complained or thought it an inconvenience to have to run to the store—–which was five minutes away! Where they live, it is truly a farm town. The “bar” is also the post office, the fire station, the town hall, and whatever else it needs to be at any given time. It used to take them 45 mins. to get to school. The grocery store was 30-45 mins. They didn’t have cable and their phone lines were down more than they were up due to the snow. When we went to visit the girls in their town, the one comment that my husband and I kept saying to each other was how well adjusted and friendly all of the kids were. Those kids were far more responsible and mature than a lot (See, I said A LOT…..NOT ALL) of the kids I’ve been around. My step-daughter just had a baby and I asked if she would be interested in the “Baby Einstein” tapes. Her response was “why would I want my baby watching TV so soon?”

OK-I told you there was no point to this post. Just mere thoughts meandering through that hard thing resting on my neck! Your thoughts? Remember, I have a delete button and I know how to use it!

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Comments

  1. * sannie says:

    I think this is a very good post. Seriously. I do agree with you on a lot of the subjects. Kids should still be kids for some time. I know it’s a controversial matter, but I see where you’re coming from.

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  2. * Carrie says:

    First of all, the multiple disclaimers are cracking me up. šŸ™‚

    I think you have perfectly valid questions and concerns. I don’t have my own children, but am often amused by over-parenters who want their children to act and behave more maturely than it is possible for their brains to understand at their developmental age.

    When I was still in Psychology, I studied child psychology and it was very intriguing to see how children develop and why they do what they do. Sometimes I feel people need to stop trying to encourage their children to behave like adults and just let them be children.

    Oh, I’m emailing you guys about the weekend, plans all changed now. šŸ™‚ Saturday? šŸ™‚

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  3. * FutureFoodTVStar says:

    I, like Carrie, don’t have any kids… but after teaching high school for 3 years I think I learned a litte.

    The entire diagnosis of ADHD or ADD has always bothered me. And I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that a lot of it is overstimulation from an early age. And I think some of it is the spoonfed me syndrome. So many of our kids… along with constant stimulation have forgotten how to work for something. If they don’t get it right away, they stop, give up, claim its too hard. Others will go to BillGatesProgramming lengths to figure out how to cheat on something instead of spending the 10 minutes to actually do the work.

    Another thing I’ve wondered about… is being an only child… I was taught how to entertain myself at a very young age. I didn’t need constant stimulation from someone else. I could sit and read or color or sleep. I kept myself busy. This is a skill I don’t see many kids with siblings being able to do. My 25 year old boyfriend can’t do this. All the while I’m thinking… grow the heck up.

    I do, however, need to respectfully disagree on the comment that we are teaching our kids more at an earlier age. When I was in elementary school (80-85), our math classes were far more advanced than what they are now teaching in some freshman year math classes.

    I took Algebra in the 7th grade.. and had seen single variable equations as early as 5th grade… they just didn’t call it “Algebra”. Now a days… only the super advanced students take Algebra in the 8th grade and many don’t see it until 10th grade.

    Our teachers, from my personal experience, spend more time on discipline than they do on teaching. They spend more time on paperwork and calling unanswered and unreturned phone calls to parents than they do teaching. They spend more time keeping track of standardized test scores than they do teaching.

    Federal standards, at least when I quit teaching in 2002, stipulated that standardized tests were geared to cover basic information that should be learned by a student… TWO YEARS behind the year they are scheduled to take said test. The TAKS or TEKS or whatever the heck you call it now… is set up to be taken in 10th grade which therefore equates to an 8th grade educaton. This is what we are requiring our students to pass (and give them two years to do so) in order to finish high school?

    And based on my earlier comment that I had algebra concepts in 5th grade… that are now not being taught until 8th… That equates to the “8th grade education” guaranteed by a standardized test is actually a 5th grade education.

    If we have had a 3 year digression since the 80s… One can probably deduce that our grandparents were taught more by kindergarten than we are requiring our students to have to graduate. No wonder we are falling behind.

    Then again, our grandparents probably never saw a student talk back to a teacher. Our grandparents probably witnessed “discipline problems” of smoking in the boys room and coming to school barefoot… since we all know they walked up hill both ways in the snow, BAREFOOT.

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  4. * Sheri & SuZan says:

    That’s is a good point. Maybe it’s not that we’re cramming too much into our kids at an early age; maybe its more the method in which it’s done. These days its so easy to pop in a video or sit a child in front of the computer instead of working side by side. An example of what I’m trying to say-my kids suck with fractions, measuring, and the likes. Fraction were easy for me. Could that be because while my mom was baking/cooking (she had a restaraunt) the children weren’t shunned from the kitchen. We were included. There is a picture of me at 3 1/2 measuring 1/2 cup of sugar. My little hands could handle a 1/2 cup. My mom taught me that, if a recipe calls for 1 cup, I could put in two 1/2 cups. I’ll never forget that. Every time mom was baking I pulled my chair over and got out the 1/2 cup cause I knew I would get to measure something. She made me try to figure out how many 1/2’s it would take.

    As far as your comment concerning teachers-you are correct. If I made it sound as if it were the teachers fault they couldn’t take the time to respond to the kids, I apologize! I know for a fact how much personal time our teachers spend trying to get the stuff done they are expected to get done. I wanted to portray that so much stuff besides teaching has become the teachers responsibility.

    Thanks for the comment! You helped portray what I was trying to say.

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  5. * FutureFoodTVStar says:

    My mom SUCKS in the kitchen… I learned to cook from Julia Child.

    I would watch a show and say, let’s have that for dinner. Her answer… as soon as you learn how to cook.

    I too was baking by the time I was 3. Maybe that is also the reason I taught myself how to read at 2 1/2.

    I totally agree that some of the basic skills we learned were because of how we are raised. Unfortunately, now, most families have two working parents and dont have the luxury to bake and do stuff with the kids. That’s a sad fact of the 21st century.

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  6. * aka_Meritt says:

    ADHD = parenting issues.
    Maybe really really nice, great, sweet people, but…..

    jmo

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  7. * Carrie says:

    Well, not neccesarilly in all cases. There are people/children who do truly suffer from ADHD and need to be treated for it.

    However, it has become a bit too trendy, example:
    I work with a lady who’s daughter has true behavior issues that are as plain as day because she doesn’t get enough attention (too many details to list), but she decided it would be easier for her to just medicate the child than deal with it. I can’t agree with that.

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  8. * Kami says:

    I think we do have over-stimulated, over-scheduled kids these days. They just don’t get a chance to veg out and BE KIDS. DO NOTHING. PLAY. Whatever. I’m with you.

    I don’t think that bad parenting causes ADHD. My husband was diagnosed with adult-onset ADHD. I believe it’s a brain chemical thing. Huh.

    DON’T DELETE ME! šŸ˜‰

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  9. * Beth says:

    I think it’s all of the above. Some cases, wrong (not bad) parenting, some cases nuralogical issues, some cases other problems that look the same (sleep disorders, allergies, etc.)Most cases a combination of the first two. My DS included. I’m just waitin for the day I’m told to medicate him.

    Anyway in learning to handle my DS’s behavior, I’ve learned to cut sugars and red dye, limit stimulation (playhouse disney is now BANNED in our house as it has immemdiate adverse effects, PBS is ok in small doses), and use very consistant parenting methods.

    Oddly enough these are the same things a good friend of mine uses to help her DS deal with Autsim, I wonder if it’s all on a spectrum.

    And for the record. #1 watched baby Einstine 1-2 times daily as a baby so I could shower, make supper, etc ;-)…in hindsite, probably not the best thing “For Him”. #2 handled it fine, but then again #2 didn’t like it much.

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  10. * Karen says:

    Stimulating post! Pondering is good. You know, I’m all about the pondering…

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  11. * Sheri & SuZan says:

    Thats it. I say bull doze all the schools, go back to one room school houses, big chief tablets, crayons, and recess.
    create new landfills with laptops, desktops, pda’s, playstations, cubes, nano,s,tv’s and whatever takes batteries, powercords, cables, or adaptors.
    I remember when they put G2 on meds for adhd, the school turned him into a zombie. I as a father I flushed the pills. Then I, yes I was called to the principles office for taking him off the zombie pills, long story short I won.
    As a Scoutmaster I hear parents tell me he dosent want to go camping, outside etc, caus they are glued to computers, tv’s, playstations etc. Unplug it, kick them out the door with a ball, frisby or whatever, find a friend or yourself, go play, tell the kid you love them and be in by dusk for dinner. My Dad had a saying ” the dog wags the tail, the tail does not wag the dog”. From my point of view some, not all, but some parents & teachers are the tail. Lets start acting like the Dog.

    BIG G

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  12. * Shell says:

    Recently I’ve been struggling with the whole ADHD issue. Especially with that math class that just kicked my butt. I’d be studying and every little thing would distract me and I couldn’t think a whole problem through without something else interupting my brain. I was wondering if I had ADHD. I’m going to go talk to my Doc and see if I’m just overwhelmed or do I actually show signs of it.

    They say if you REALLY have ADHD then your child will not be a walking zombie. The meds are designed to slow down the over active brain and if your child doesn’t have ADHD then it slows down the normal brain which makes them basically a zombie.

    So do I want to take meds and be a driving zombie? I already drive bad enough. šŸ™‚

    And I had a shock recently when my cousin’s little one started Kindegarten about two years ago. I was so excited for him…chunky crayons, big fat pencils, tablets with the big lines and my cousin said that the supply list had NONE of those items on it. Plus they mailed her a list of things he must know how to do BEFORE the first day of Kindegarten. He had to know how to write his first name and his last initial, be able to read at least 20 words, know shapes and colors and know his ABC’s with no help. All I could think of is that he wasn’t going to have that first year of fun learning those things. So sad.

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  13. * Christie says:

    šŸ™‚
    too many helicopter moms out there these days.
    Too many schools taking PE and recess out the schedule….
    Ridiculous

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  14. * Football Widow says:

    This was a great post. I really hope that I can raise my child to appreciate the simple things and not be stressed out about things that don’t matter. I agree that so many kids are put on drugs. I also feel like there are a lot of parents who are absent in their kids lives and try to make up for it in the wrong way.

    | Reply Posted 11 years, 1 month ago
  15. * srivani says:

    Nice article and good site. Let me suggest you an another site which will educate you about ADD & ADHD Disorders gothrough this site. And good luck.
    ADD vs. ADHD

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago


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