Celebrating Women for the Real World

Another Post About Life With Teens

Here’s a controversial topic-discussing sex and birth control with your teen. No, I’m not talking about the birds and bees. I’m talking “your teen has a steady boyfriend/girlfriend and you need to talk with them because it could be happening” sex talk.

I remember when I was a teen and facing this issue, I used to think “man, when I’m a mom and have teens, I’m going to make sure they are safe and if they choose to have sex, they will have birth control.” Boy, has my thinking changed. I mean, if I say “be smart, protect yourself, etc. but don’t MAKE SURE they have birth control,” am I really helping? If I say “if your having sex, then you need to use birth control and I’m taking you to the doctor,” am I giving them my permission? This is a real catch 22 here.

Now, step down off of your soap box if your thinking “I’m NEVER going to let my son/daughter have a boyfriend/girlfriend until they’re 23.” Reality check-what makes you think they need a boyfriend/girlfriend to have sex? These days, relationships aren’t always the driving force behind a sexual encounter. You may think “I’ll never let my child date or be alone with a boy.” You think they need a house/bedroom to have sex? You may think “I drive my child to school and pick them up. They won’t ever have an opportunity to get into a car and “do the deed”. Yeah, do you know how many kids I see walk into school, wait for mom or dad to drive off, then WALK OUT OF THE SCHOOL INTO SOMEONE’S CAR?

So basically what I’m saying is, we can’t escape the issue. How would you handle the situation if you sit down and “talk” with your teen and they say “Yes, mom. I am having or am thinking about having sex and would like to use birth control.”

Note: This is all hypothetical at the moment. This issue has been on my mind as it is time to take my daughter for her physical. The doctor told me last year to be prepared. This is a topic that NEEDS to be discussed. I guess I’m preparing myself for the “what if she says she wants to use birth control” issue. I’m not saying she is. She is a great kid. A straight “A” student with excellent conduct and has colleges writing to her asking her to come check them out. But I think I’d be remiss in thinking “not my daughter.” After all, my sister was a straight “A” student that was considered a genius. She however had no common sense. Birth control would have been a good thing for her. I believe if my mother would have faced the facts instead of denying them, my sister would be in a much better place right now.

Now think back to when you were a Jr. in high school. Were you, um, doing things your mother wouldn’t have approved of? Were you using birth control? If you were, did your parents help you get it? If they didn’t, did you wish they did?


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  1. * aka_Meritt - www.coffeetalking.blogspot.com says:

    You didn’t actually tell us your stand on it or what you are going to say…. LOL.

    BabyGirl (15) has been dating her boyfriend almost a year. I’m happy to say that we have an open relationship that we can talk about this issue and I know for a fact that not only has that NOT happened, but that she has no intention of letting it happen. LOL. I am also happy to know he still gets nervous kissing her and takes up to 45 minutes of ‘porch talking’ to get around to the kissing part. Sometimes there is no goodnight kiss at all. (Whew).

    Coffeekid (13) was allowed to have a girlfriend this year and they haven’t even kissed yet. (Again; whew). He’s too nervous and she isn’t a ‘forward’ kind of girl either.

    *I’m happy I can talk to my kids like this because my Mother sure as hell couldn’t. But then again… I strive to be the total opposite of my Mom! LOL.

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  2. * Karen says:

    Lord help us all. I am not my mother, definately, and I do talk to my son whenever the opportunity presents itself. But teenage boys don’t particularly want to talk to mom about this subject. Husband talks to him so I just hope between the two of us our son will get some good advice. Right now, though, he is still between girlfriends so I am breathing a little easier. For now.

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  3. * Carrie says:

    I was a lucky one. My mom was very open and honest about talking about these issues and while uncomfortable at some times, it was a great relief to know I could go to her as opposed to my friends who weren’t so informed.

    I was on the pill by my sophomore year, but not because of dating or anything, it was because my menstrual cycle was all screwed up. Of course, mom did say ‘this doesn’t mean you can just go out there and start having sex…’ which was silly to me since I wasn’t dating at the time. ๐Ÿ™‚

    While I knew I COULD talk to mom about my decision to have sex when it came around to it, I chose not to at the time, but if she hadn’t been so open with me, I probably wouldn’t have been as careful with protection and other issues. Over the years I have actually been able to discuss these matters with my mom without being embarrased about it and it’s nice to know I can.

    You’re right in thinking that just because you don’t allow them to be alone in a room or you drop them off at school that they won’t find the means to get to a place where they can have sex. Trust me, I saw lots of sneakiness in High School, and just because you’re book smart, doesn’t mean that raging hormones won’t prevail. It’s best to make sure that if she does decide to have sex, she is well informed about all the aspects of it from the diseases, possible pregnancy, emotional issues it can cause, etc. Not to mention letting her know she can come to you in the event something does come up so she doesn’t wind up like a lot of scared young girls we here about on the news.

    If she does come to you and says she is having sex or wants to and would like you to help her get birth control, saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean she won’t have sex, it just means she might not be as protected and she might not come to you again about the issue.

    Well, that’s my two cents… ๐Ÿ™‚

    Great topic! ๐Ÿ™‚

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  4. * Kami says:


    I think the key is talking, which my mom never did. She left that to the church and the school


    So, we plan to very open with Nik, and while he will know that we want him to wait as long as possible (for various reasons), he will know where condoms are, and how to use them. He will also know that he can ask us anything, and that nothing will leave our kitchen table, and we will never judge or laugh.

    Jeezus. Scary shit.

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  5. * Kami says:

    That said, we had only one penis to worry about, where parents of girls…

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  6. * Mama C says:

    I’m not listening to this! I will send my kids over to your house from 13-18. LOL!

    I’ll cross that bridge when I get there….

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  7. * Beth says:

    Hubby and I have talked about this at some length already. What we “plan” to do (they’re only 2 and 5) is talk very open and honestly about all the consecenses including disease, and emotional, beyond pregnancy.

    We will tell them we expect for them to not be having sex, but if they do they’d better be mature enough to go to the store and buy some condom’s, even if the girl is using Birth control, or says she is. However I don’t think we’d ever buy them for them, or put a girl on Birth control, because to me it’s giving them a green light to have sex and not even consider the other consequenses.

    If we suspect they are having sex they will have a talk with my sister about getting pregnant before they’re married, Dh about how he had to watch his brother die of AIDS and will be taken to and AID’s hospice.

    Hey my parents scared the sh*t out of me and it worked. LOL!

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  8. * Sheri & SuZan says:

    Beth-I like your plan!

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  9. * Nap Queen says:

    Great topic! S-E-X was never mentioned in my house, and although I started having sex at a relatively young age with my boyfriend of 4 years, we used protection because we sure as hell didn’t want a kid. When my older sister found out I was doing it, she made me go to Planned Parenthood and get on the pill. She’s awesome ๐Ÿ™‚

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  10. * peppypilotgirl says:

    Interesting topic. I can say that I was an excellent student, pretty much straight As, lots of colleges and the military chasing me, but I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend. I can even tell you the date (11/8/1984).

    In my household, the only discussion we had on sex was my dad saying, after an acquaintance’s daughter got pregnant, “YOU BETTER NOT GET PREGNANT BEFORE YOU ARE MARRIED, SO HELP ME GOD.” So, when my boyfriend and I decided to proceed, I secretly drove myself 30 miles into the city to Planned Parenthood.

    Ironically, my sister wound up getting pregnant while unmarried at age 30 and my dad didn’t have the conniption he threatened (my husband did though).

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  11. * Holly says:

    i had a 7 month old and I was 4 months pregnant when the school i attended was having graduation services.

    it was a miracle it took that long to happen.

    my sons and i had a long talk about birth control 2 years ago. they were only 9 and 10. the subject was my oldest younger brother who had gotten a girl pregnant that he didn’t even like and they broke up before her test came up positive. they can’t stand to be in the same room together yet they have a child together and as a high school dropout working at a pizza place he was going to have a hard time paying child support.

    i don’t want them to have sex too early. and birth control is never 100% (they need that explained as well) but i sure want to protect them from unwanted pregnancies and the devastating life effects. i think “they opened their legs they should suffer the consequences” is incredibly stupid and shortsighted. in the end the child doesn’t suffer the consequences alone. the immediate family of both children, the infant, and socity at large are impacted.

    protect. protect. protect.

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  12. * Football Widow says:

    I don’t even want to think about this. It just gives me the heebie jeebies. I don’t know what my stand will be when my kid gets to that age. I do want to do a better job than my parents did. We will be open and discuss things with him. I don’t ever even remember having “the talk” with my parents. I just hope that he knows he can be comfortable talking to us and we can help guide him down the path we would like for him to take.

    Good luck!

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 2 months ago
  13. * Jennifer says:

    I was 13 years old when I lost my viginity.

    And on birth control by age 15. My mom didn’t “help” me get it, but she also didn’t stop me. She knew about it and was fine with it. Better safe then sorry.

    I think it would be a really good thing for you to talk with all your kids about it. Openly. So they feel comfortable going to you if there ever was a problem. There’s no need to harp on the subject, just let them know you’re there and you care! HA That sounds so corny the kids will love it ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Good luck!

    | Reply Posted 12 years, 1 month ago

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