Celebrating Women for the Real World

The Boring Life Of Me!

Well, it’s not really boring.  It’s actually very busy.  But tell me, do you want to hear about me going to the gyno?

I didn’t think so.  But, it seems that when you are over 40, there are a lot more questions to answer.  The “M” word came up.  You know, menopause!  What a funny word.  If you break it down, it looks like a pause in men.  Really?  Doubtful!  Oh, and I have to get “the girls” squashed annually.  Apparently six years since my last one is a bit too long.

I would love to talk about work because really, the people I work with are SOOOOO entertaining.  I can’t though as I get stalked occasionally.  But really, there is enough crazy in the world, do you need to hear more?

My oldest son had to go to court yesterday for a traffic violation.  He stayed up all night worrying about it.  He had to appear before the judge.  This time the officer did make an error.  I don’t stick up for my kids unless they are truly in the right.  This time the officer ticketed the wrong driver and, when my son showed him the discrepancy at the scene, the office replied “I am ticketing you because I can.  If you don’t like it, take it up with the judge!”

I really wish I could tell the officer to take his asshole dial and turn it down a few thousand notches!  The ticket was dismissed so all is well.

I can tell you about my crazy neighbors.  Well, crazy in a good way.  We are quite the characters of the neighborhood.  Neighbor 1 who I will call E got this machine.  We call it “the jiggler”.  You get on this big vibrating machine and it supposedly jiggles your fat away.  According to neighbor #2 it “feels sexy”.  We don’t go in the room while neighbor #2 is on the jiggler.  I wish I knew the proper name.  It cost about $2500 and apparently the astronauts use it for muscle strength and tone.  Supposedly you burn 400 calories while standing on it for 20 minutes.  If it works I may marry it!

Guess I better go.  I burned a vaca day yesterday.  No, not because of the gyno, but more because I could.  When you work in romper room, sometimes a day off is just what the doctor ordered.


So Sorry

Dear Peeps At The Gym:

I just have to apologize to you people on the equipment at the gym last night.  I ate soup…..made with black beans…..and refried black beans…TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW!




Pettiness drives me insane. 

People, there are bigger and better things to worry about.  Don’t you realize that when you are being petty, you are your own worst enemy.

Your rant for today was brought to you buy the letter P & Y, and could quite possibly be due to my body’s reaction to healthy eating.  Yes, not one chocolate Easter Egg has crossed my lips path.  Well, since Saturday that is!

No. Not Yet!

For those of you with inquiring minds who may have checked back to see if I made the switch….you silly people.  You really don’t know me, do you?  I said by FRIDAY, which means tomorrow.  Would I really do today what I can put off until tomorrow?

Don’t know what I’m talking about?  Read below.

In other news, I made my annual “well woman” appoint.  Annual as in my last one was two years ago!  That, my friends, is procrastination at its finest.  I’m really considering a glass of wine (or three) before the appointment. 

Yes, I know.  Because of my age (twenty x 2 plus one) I also will need a mammogram.  Ugh.  The turmoil of being a woman.  Poked and pinched.  See?  In my house NO ONE gets THAT privilege without properly wining and dining me.  Why then am I going to PAY someone to do it?  I know, I know, it’s worth it.  But still….it’s just….YUCK!

Can I tell you it freaks me out just a bit that my doctor is my pregnant daughter’s doctor?  Can I tell you it freaks me out a little that he delivered her little brother (my son).

That deserves a WOW.  Someone?  Anyone?

With that interesting bit of babble I will leave you and tell you to go and enjoy this fine day!


Some Things Don’t Come Easy

Things change.  I get that.  I don’t handle change well, but I get it.

Actually, I take that back.  I can handle BIG changes.  Say someone gets really sick and there are life changing effects.  I can work with that.  Or, let’s say we have to move.  Not a problem.

Now, let’s say that someone suggest that I change the time my alarm goes off.  My alarm goes off each weekday at 4:30.  I hit snooze a few times, but always drag myself out of bed and hit the shower by 4:45 or so.  This has been the schedule since my kids were small.  My oldest is now 21-that’s a long habit.  I did this to have some “me” time before my day got started.  When I went back to work, waking up this early gave me an opportunity to get myself ready, a few chores done, and send kids off to school with a hot breakfast.  Guess what.  I only have one kid left at home…..and he’s 16!  He drives.  Half the time he doesn’t want breakfast.  Why then can I not set my alarm to go off at say 5:30?  Because I feel like the world would fall from it’s axis and life as we know it will cease!

Another thing that I can’t change?  My alarm clock is 30 minutes fast.  It’s been that way since I was in high school.  It started with 10 minutes and worked it’s way to 30.  Why?  I have to trick myself to get out of bed.  If I open an eye and see 5:01 I’m all “wow, I’m late!”  To add to that, it isn’t always exactly 30 minutes.  Sometimes its 28, 31, 29, etc.  Again, why?  That way I won’t justify a few more hits of the snooze key by thinking “Well, it’s actually only 4:30.  I can sleep a few more mins.”

Why am I boring you with this?  I don’t know.  Maybe because you keep coming back!  What?  It’s not me, it’s you!  You read all the way to this point, you can’t blame me!

I’m boring you with this because I kind of feel that if I write that I’m going to change I will then be accountable.  So here you go.  In black and white I hereby state that I will set my alarm clock to reflect the right time AND I will set it to go off at 5….eventually.  OK!  By the end of the week.  But I will warn you, if I’m late one time, you will never hear the end of it!

Ch, ch, ch, changes!

Yeah, it’s that whole “I hate making up titles” thing.

What do you think of the new look?  Bright and cheery, no?  It reminds me of my weekend.  How?  Well it’s green.  Guacamole is green.  I made a lot of guacamole this weekend.  Too bad the weather didn’t cooperate.  Cold and rainy Saturday, cold and windy Sunday.  About the only thing that got accomplished as far as yard work was fertilizing.  Yes, I seem to provide my neighbors with much comic relief.  Me, the fertilizer spreader, big black clouds, then BAM-the skies opened and we were deluged with rain.  Did this stop me?  Hell to the no!  I was determined to fertilize!  It wasn’t pretty, but it got done.  I sure hope my neighbor doesn’t record any of the daily occurrences at my house.  Me, spreader, rain, running-not pretty!

My daughter and son-in-law came over for dinner yesterday.  We were talking about Easter.  I’m committed to going to my Mother-in-laws every holiday.  She doesn’t cook any more.  Basically, we all cram into a too small house and eat cold food.  But you know, there’s no guarantee as to how long we’ll have her.  She is an awesome lady so full of love.  Anyway, we eat early at her house.  I told the kids I would cook again and they could come over for dinner.  This brought up the convo of the grand baby.  My kids don’t like to go over to grannies because she’s old, it’s crowded, it’s far, it’s early, blah, blah, blah!  This made me wonder if my grandchild is going to feel the same way!  No, there is no way that will happen.  Those babies will be so spoiled every time they come over! (Look at me going plural already!  WTF?)

The way I look at it, grandchildren are your reward for not killing your children.  I will take full advantage of being able to send them home after sugaring them up and letting them do whatever they want!  LOL!  Kidding!  (kind of)

Thinking Up Titles Sucks!

So what’s new?  Nothing much?  Me neither.  Well, other than a neighbor going bat shit crazy on my 21 year old son, pounding on his car, pushing and hitting my son, his friend, and me, with lots of yelling and screaming as an accompaniment.  Apparently my son was backing into OUR driveway when neighbor hauled ass around the corner and down the street (he lives in the culdesac three houses down from us).  Apparently neighbor was annoyed that my son didn’t let him by and instead continued to pull into the driveway.  Neighbor slammed on breaks and laid on the horn.  Apparently son’s friend flicked off neighbor and in so doing pissed neighbor off to the point of assault.  Really, assault is justified if someone flicks you off, no? 

Classy, I know. 

It gets better. Neighbor’s car was vandalized a few days later.  My kids were present and accounted for, but of course they were accused.  Ask me how I felt when I found out that neighbor came down yelling and screaming and telling my husband that “the next time he sees my son or his friends, they will be leaving the street in a body bag.”

The poor man has selective memory because when the police got involved, he just couldn’t remember saying anything like that.  I’m no pshych major, but could this man possibly be bi-polar?  Or, is he just an ass?

Sometimes people make me stabby!

Better Today

I bought a Neti Pot.  I think I may have mentioned that before.  It’s gross but effective.  I don’t have that “crap, this is going to turn into a full blown infection” feeling.  I’m also taking Allegra D.  I’m not sure which is helping the most, but between the two, I should be able to get my drink on this weekend!

Texas weather is so funny.  Last week we were bundling up in coats and scarves for our nightly walk.  This week we were stripping off layers during our walk.  Yesterday it hit 80 degrees and I would guess about 90% humidity.  Gotta love it!

I guess I’ve procrastinated enough.  I just realized we have a little over a month to get our taxes done.  Where did the time go?  This year we may get something back (shhhhh, don’t say that too loud).

While I’m thinking about it, I have a question.  As I’ve mentioned about a gajillion times, I’m going to be a grandmother this summer.  An acquaintance has a full Nursery suite full of furniture that he is selling for $200.  When I say full, I mean, crib, changing table, rocker, dresser, mattress, travel playpen, and stroller with infant seat.  That’s a good deal.  My husband’s response when I said that I needed to clean out Jessica’s room and turn it into a nursery was “a nursery?  We don’t need a nursery.  The baby won’t be here THAT much.”  Today I mentioned it to one of my bosses.  His reaction?  Almost exactly word for word as my husband’s. 

Is it just me?  My theory is, if his daughter comes to visit with her 1.5 year old, she will need to sleep somewhere.  His other daughter has two and is due with the third in May.  If they come to visit, again, the crib will be useful.  Of course I’m going to babysit as much as my daughter will let me.  Again, having a crib will be handy.  Plus, I have two boys who will eventually find good women and will give me many more grand babies (key word – eventually).

Who agrees with me?

Cranky, Crabby, Stabby, and The Likes

That’s what I am.  I started sneezing my head off yesterday.  I woke up during the night and snot was literally running out of my nose.  My throat hurts. 

No, I’m NOT sick.  It’s allergies!  It has to be.  My body has it out for me.  See, I woke up Sunday and there were little buds on my trees.  I worked in the yard…..a lot.  My body has an evil plot to bring me down so that I don’t enjoy this season called spring!

Dear Body:

I live in Texas.  Spring lasts for all of one week.  Two weeks during a good year.  Could you stop it!  No more snot!  The sneezing must quit.  The headache must go!  Now!


Dear Land Of Big Hair and Shiny Shoes

This is a warning.  The girls (and by girls I mean girls, not GIRLS) and I will be headed your way.  Next week sometime as a matter of fact.

Don’t say that you have not been warned.  We are not responsible for anything that may (or may not) happen.

Love, me